


Varying Levels of Hygiene

by HeadRubEnthusiast



Category: Bandom, My Chemical Romance
Genre: Gerard is a himbo, Humor, Kissing, M/M, Mutual Pining, No Sex, No Showers, Sick Frank, political statements, warped 2020
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-28
Updated: 2020-09-28
Packaged: 2021-03-07 23:15:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,767
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26705830
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HeadRubEnthusiast/pseuds/HeadRubEnthusiast
Summary: “Bye guys! Hope you liked the show! Yes, I am washing my ass with a glorified enema bag! Have a nice one, stay safe!”In which Frank’s cleanliness gets him into some trouble and Gerard struggles with their public image.Written for Warped Tour 2020 Collection: No Showers
Relationships: Frank Iero/Gerard Way
Comments: 6
Kudos: 60
Collections: Warped 2020





	Varying Levels of Hygiene

“Why don't you do this when it’s hot out? You’re gonna catch somethin’.” Frank ignored Gerard to focus on not flashing the tour busses around them as he dug around in his swim trunks with the hose. His flip-flops made a weird squish against the sidewalk as he shifted his weight side to side, trying desperately to get enough water under his balls to feel even a little clean. “Frank?” 

“Oh and greet every kid half-naked on their way back to their cars?” He asked and turned to look at Gerard. He yanked the hose around sharp enough he had to pause and make sure it didn’t come undone from the pouch of water hooked on the fence next to him. “Bye guys! Hope you liked the show! Yes, I am washing my ass with a glorified enema bag! Have a nice one, stay safe!” Frank waved erratically at imaginary kids with the hand that held the nozzle, water splattering on Gerard’s shoes. 

“It’s pretty gross,” He murmured and gazed down at his wet converse like he could dry his socks via thermo-vision. 

“Oh and you’re one to talk? I’d think someone pissed in your hair with the way the dollar store dry shampoo and grease are battling on your scalp.” Gerard’s entire face scrunched up. He itched his head subconsciously, his hair sticking in position when he put his hand back down. Frank would laugh but he was busy washing the body soap out of his hair before his water supply ran out.

They were somewhere on the west coast, that’s much anyone knew at that point. Gerard had stopped greeting crowds by screaming their city names into the mic when he called St. Louis Dallas mid-heat stroke and the crowd bottled them. It’s so humid he might as well have been running through a pool. The lines he sang ended in ugly little huffs as he panted for air, for the stupid bulletproofed vest he insisted on wearing weighted him down. A bad decision he knew he would be making tomorrow as well. 

The band bounced together, humming like the organs of a single body. Gerard could feel Mikey, Ray, and Frank all around him and felt blanketed by their presence. They comforted him enough that he felt big enough to lead them, front the image, carry the torch. 

Ray’s solo allowed for a much-needed breather and Gerard took a moment as he watched the kids rock with the music. 

Frank plastered himself to Gerard’s side, his body still except for his strumming arm. Gerard’s skin seared where they touched. Frank’s own chest heaved, his shirt soaked through to the point his swallows gleamed through the white fabric. Gerard closed his eyes and let his head drop back, watching the sun behind his eyelids. Frank's face fit into the open crook of his neck and rested there. His lip’s feel sent little jolts down to Gerard’s stomach. Everywhere they touched he burned. 

The last note of Ray’s riff rang and Frank flew away, taking their shared moment of calm with him. Gerard was off-kilter without his weight and threw himself into the last verse with the momentum of it. 

Gerard read gossip magazines even though Brain hated it, mostly because he did so religiously before he was on their covers. Maybe, he wished he had stopped the habit though because this one makes him feel funny. 

“Ooo what classic rock band are we a disgrace to now?” A tattooed hand swiped the mag from his fingers before Gerard could spout 75 excuses it shouldn’t. Frank hummed and lifted Gerard’s legs from the couch to plop down next to him. He studied the article long enough for Gerard to consider the logistics of jumping out the bus window. They were moving across the freeway enough that he would probably get hit, but then someone might get charged with manslaughter and that would really suck. And he would probably fuck it up and then just ruin tour and all the bones in his body. It might just be worth it thoug—

“This is hilarious,” Frank smiled and held up the page Gerard was looking at like he hadn’t just been reading it alone on the couch. A picture of Gerard and Frank stared right back at Gerard. It was grainy and taken from far away, but the image of Frank plastered to Gerard’s side at yesterday's show made him feel cold and light. 

“Emo Icon Gerard Way Gets Down and Dirty with his Guitarist.” Frank read, giggling. His eyes zoomed all over the page. 

“I can’t believe they think we‘re gay,” Gerard murmured as he awkwardly shifted. His fingers played with the ends of his hoodie sleeves. “Like,” he continued, looking out the window at the other cars below, “if we were girls, they wouldn’t think we were f-fucking — they’d just think we’re friends.” 

“Maybe we should. “

“What?!”

Frank looked back at Gerard, both eyebrows raised in surprise at the outburst. His tone was slow when as he said, “We should prove that guys should be allowed to be physical with their friends too — that it’s not weird or gay or anything.” 

“Oh,” Gerard replied in a small voice. He met Frank’s gaze and nodded. 

The first kiss happened two days after Gerard’s agreement on the bus. Frank jumped in front of him and smacked their faces together like he was trying to climb into the other. It was quick, but Gerard’s brain short-circuited the moment their closed lips touched. His cognitive function revved without starting back up like a car with a crap engine for the rest of the set.

”Well, that’s new,” Mikey said without looking up from his phone in the green room as they all deflated. Ray looked at Frank for an answer, who looked at Gerard in turn. His face screamed, ‘tell them about our amazing PR plan.’

“The, well, the…” Gerard huffed and dropped into the crease of the couch as he thought of words to sling together. “Those gossip mags think Frankie and I are together because we're bros, and we hugged, so uh, we’re gonna show ‘em bros can be… affectionate.”

“How civil rights of you,” Mikey said, sending Gerard a glance that he ignored. 

“These are disgusting,” Frank said. 

“That’s because you suck at making them even.” 

“No it’s because your hair is so sweaty the braids just slip out altogether,” Frank mumbled. He sat on his knees next to Gerard. Ray’s guitar gave them a soft white noise from the back lounge, Mikey gone off somewhere. Frank-and-Gee-time seemed to be quite popular as of late. 

Gerard mumbled something that started as a comeback but died in his throat. It’s corpse spewed from his mouth so garbled Frank giggled and slid close enough Gerard could feel his body shake with it. His stomach rested light against his side, knee against his thigh. 

“Such a shame we have no ponytail ties,” Frank murmured. Gerard’s hands paused what they were doing as Frank's knee came up to rest on top of his leg when he shifted again. 

“Stop moving so much.”

“I can’t help it.” Frank punctuated his sentence with a sniff. He pulled a hand out of Gerard’s tangle of hair to itch his nose. 

Gerard kicked himself because the symptoms were right there, and he let Frank fucking stand wet and naked outside at night and didn’t do a thing about it. 

Ray walked in to see the wreckage second — Mikey took their word about it. Frank groaned from inside his bunk, nestled deep in the back corner of it. He had somehow put all his clothes on in the middle of the night, nestled inside underneath all his layers and blankets like a Russian Doll. 

“We should call Brian,” Ray said and turned back to the lounge to find his phone. 

“No!” Frank’s voice was high and congested sounding. He rolled out of his layers and from his bunk in a heap. “I can play just lettme get some DayQuill.”

“You're gonna catch death, you idiot!” Gerard followed Frank’s half bundled form into the lounge. He grabbed him on the shoulder before he could get to Ray and pulled him back to his chest.

Frank made a surprised, nasally huff and lent against Gerard’s chest. Ray looked at the two of him surprised, fingers hovered over his phone keypad. Mikey looked up from the couch at the sudden silence, face pinched in a way that made Gerard’s cheeks flare. 

“Well,” he said before he unwrapped himself from Frank’s fevered body. He realized this was more of a Stage Statement pose than a Concerned Friend pose. “If you think you’ll be okay to play…”

“Come on, let’s go. I got a place,” Mikey said over the rim of his phone. His fingers sped over the flip-out keyboard for another second before he flipped it closed and looked at the band. Frank groaned in reply as he dropped onto the green room couch next to Gerard and burrowed into the space between his side and the cushion. 

“There’s a bed. And shower.” Mikey said, Ray already up and ready to go behind him. The two of them walked over to Gerard and Frank, only one of the guitarist's eyes open. 

Frank growled but stood nonetheless. He let Gerard steer him out the backdoor and into the taxi. Crammed together in the back seat, Gerard could feel the fever that radiated off him. Frank fit his face into his neck and napped, Gerard stiff under his weight and the gaze of the band. It wasn’t weird though, surely wasn’t. Gerard became aware of Ray’s arm resting against his. Of course, he didn’t like Ray, why were they touching. Well, cramped Taxi, yeah but. 

Gerard turned to look at Mikey over Frank’s head. Frank had one of Mikey’s arms in his lap and was hugging it. Mikey didn’t look like he even noticed. Did Frank like Mikey like that? Was Gerard homophobic? Gerard bit his lip and looked straight ahead before anyone could detect his crisis. 

The car rolled to a stop in front of a rather large house. Gerard couldn’t make much more out in the dark. They all fell out of the taxi and Mikey led them up to the door with a silent confidence Gerard wished he could exude. 

A girl with more metal than face opened the door while they were still walking up the driveway. She waved happily and jumped in place. Ray caught sight of her My Chem shirt first. 

“So we’re crashing at a groupie’s now. Very wholesome of you, Mikey,” he said without even looking to turn around. 

“Well,” Mikey mumbled as he waved back, “she has three beds and baths.” 

“My brothers a prostitute,” Gerard mumbled. Frank giggled but it turned into a cough. 

“Hi! There are two bedrooms upstairs to the left. Your bassist and I will be in my room. I’m sure you can find everything on your own — no need to thank me.” She grabbed Mikey and fled upstairs, Ray, Gerard, and Frank left in the foyer. 

“What kind of young lady can afford rent in an LA pad like this?” Ray turned to make sure she locked her door. 

“Probably a porn star,” Gerard muttered and started for the stairs with Frank under his arm. He turned left at the top via groupie instructions and half-lead, half-dragged Frank onto the bed in the middle of the room. He locked the door behind him. 

“Bed,” Frank sighed. He took a deep breath through his mouth and folded the pink comforter over him without getting under the covers. 

“We should get you some chicken noodle soup,” Gerard mumbled as he took off Frank’s sneakers. 

“No good diners in LA.” 

“Well LA can suck my dick.” 

“Lucky LA.”

“What?” Gerard dropped Frank’s shoes onto the rug with a thud. He responded with a sneeze. 

Gerard sighed and took his own shoes off. He looked around the room, noting its rather feminine touch. He opened a door to the left, groaning when it turned out to be a closet full of… was that lingerie? Oh. 

He turned and tried the third door in the room. Gerard flapped his hand on the wall until he found a switch and sighed happily when he found a bathroom. He stared at himself in the mirror, noted the mess that was his face, and chose to ignore it to look at the bathtub behind him. He turned to run it. 

“Frank, she has a bath in here.” Frank groaned like Gerard just asked him to go hiking. “Frank, come on.” 

The younger did none of the sorts and turned away. Gerard grabbed an arm and rolled Frank onto his back. He stared at his friend, who’s fever left a bloom all over his skin. Gerard noted his rather sweat-free and fluffy hair, maybe a bit jealous. 

“Come on Frankie, it’ll be good for your nose.” Gerard pulled him into the bathroom as the noise of the water echoed around them. Frank sat on the closed toilet without a problem and rested his head on the towel rack. 

“Well come on, I trust you can undress and get yourself in.”

Frank lifted his arms halfway into the air like a child. 

“Well, I… um… you know what.” Gerard tugged his shirt up and off. “You’re gonna do the rest right?”

Frank stood and wobbled. Gerard steadied him with two hands on his hips before he broke his nose on the marble counters. “Come on then,” he murmured. 

Frank’s belt clinked and swooshed before his pants dropped straight to the floor without its support. Gerard stared at the elastic waistband of his briefs for a moment before he realized what he was doing. He looked up to find Frank’s eyes closed anyway. 

“Frankie?”

“Hmph.”

“Can you-”

“No.” 

Gerard sighed and gazed down at his hands on Frank’s hips. He slipped his thumb into his breif’s waistband, glancing up at Frank’s face to check if he was alright. Frank’s closed eyelids looked neutrally back at him. 

Gerard kept his eyes on Frank’s face as he dropped the other’s briefs, eyes pinned to the white ceiling as he blindly led him into the tub.  
Frank let out a small huff of gratitude once he settled in the warm water and Gerard turned and closed the door without looking at anything. 

He leaned against the door and sighed. Gerard shook his head and sat on the bed to play on his phone. 

“Frank? The water’s probably cold. You should get out.” Gerard entered the bathroom and closed the door behind him with his eyes back on the ceiling. The silence that greeted him sent a shock of panic up his spine that made him forget his notion of privacy. “Frank?”

Frank had fallen asleep in the tub, his red face smushed against the lip. Multiple pink soap bottles were left open around him, the conditioner abandoned still lathered into his hair. Soap and conditioner made a white film over the water, which obscured the rest of his body and lapped against his rattling chest ever so slowly. Gerard blinked at the wet exposed skin, black ink of his hope tattoo grayed by a soapy sheen. 

“Frank,” he whispered, sitting down at the edge of the tub. Frank’s eyelids rose an inch, his gaze glassy. Gerard reached out tentatively to flip his bangs off his forehead. His hair crinkled with the sound of bubbles. 

“Hey.” His voice was still scratchy with sickness. He sniffed. 

“How are you feeling?”

“Like I’m the chicken noodle soup.” Frank pulled a hand out of the bathwater to show Gerard his wrinkled fingertips. The movement disturbed the delicate foam on top of the water, the opaque layer pushed with the movement. Gerard stared at Frank’s hip, his soft stomach and ribs revealed. 

“Hey, Gee?” 

“Hmm?” Gerard snapped his head back to meet Frank’s gaze. 

“Homies definitely hug.” He nods. “But homies don’t really kiss. It’s really not that homophobic to say they shouldn’t.”

“Well— I don’t think— I don’t know if we should stop because what about representation? You know, that’s really—”

Frank leaned over the bathtub wall to kiss Gerard. It was quick. His damp lips pecked dry ones, and he pulled back to stare up into Gerard’s shocked gaze with smiling eyes. 

“I never said we shouldn’t kiss, dummy.”

“Oh,” Gerard said as he stared through Frank. A blush to rival a fever's dotted his pale face. 

“Gerard?” 

“Yeah?” 

“You need to wash your hair.”

**Author's Note:**

> Was this very different than everything I’ve ever written or what?! I had sm fun. Thank you to the fanfic book club and specifically throwupsparkles for putting this together. I’ve got some spicer stuff ah cooking, but for now I leave everyone with this one. <3
> 
> Kudos and comments are always appreciated ;)


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